Did I want love? Did I need to know?
Why does it always feel like I’m caught in an undertow?

I keep trying to drown my feelings of him. Why is it so hard to move on, memories arent the same, I dont feel warm around these people. I miss his eyes, the smell of his Jeep, and most of all his comforting hands. Warmness underneath cold white sheets when we slept together, in his glass house beneath the redwoods. Kisses so burning hot, and my naive heart so hopeful. 

I can be beautiful. I can be beautiful. I can be beautiful. I can be beautiful. I can be beautiful. I can be beautiful. I can be beautiful. I can be beautiful. I can be beautiful. I can be beautiful. I can be beautiful. I can be beautiful. I can be beautiful. I can be beautiful. I can be beautiful. I can be beautiful. I can be beautiful. I can be beautiful. I can be beautiful. I can be beautiful. I can be beautiful. I can be beautiful. I can be beautiful. I can be beautiful. I can be beautiful. I can be beautiful. I can be beautiful. I can be beautiful.

For two hours I cried in the car, I lost control of myself. It was like every emotional sore in my body just bleeding. He patted my back and told me I was beautiful. Over the Golden Gate bridge I asked him to jump with me. We both laughed. It’s like this dam is going to break but there’s nothing I’m doing from stoping it. I keep telling myself, and I’ll tell myself again. I’ll never trade the truth for the memories he gave me. It’s all going down-hill, but for godsake Im holding on with all I got.